5.26.15

We are facing another issue, unfortunately, at Hill Crest which I will have to update on when it’s over and done.  I’m asking for prayers and positive vibes again, as this is weighing heavy on my heart!

There are a lot of things going on for me at the moment, and I find meeting new people just leads to loaded questions that I don’t really know how to answer. I get very flustered because I don’t want to undermine what I’m doing, but there’s so much behind the story of “I’m director of a school and building another and starting my company and working on development plans for another piece of land.” It’s exhausting. Usually it’s followed up with questions and comments about how inspiring it is and how lucky I am to be here doing it, etc. A few nights ago I was briefly going over everything with someone who just arrived and she couldn’t believe how I’ve “uprooted” my life at home to do these things.

One definition of uprooted is “to force to leave an accustomed or native location.” To force to leave an accustomed or native location. Nothing about my leaving the US was forced, and I wouldn’t say I was accustomed to that life either. If anything, every time I go back to the US, I’m being uprooted from here. The things that led me to being “stuck” here (if you haven’t read Rocked, refer to that) weren’t pleasant and I wouldn’t want to go through it again, but the result is my life here. Isaac assured me a life here, a life I love. And while some days I’m confused, lost and feeling alone, at the end of the day, I don’t want to leave. I couldn’t handle being uprooted from this.

Shortly before my life changed for the worse before the better, I met two girls and had no idea how important they would become. Over the five months we were together, we cried a lot, talked a lot, danced a lot, laughed a lot, and drank a lot. I’ll be forever grateful for their ability to get me out of my head and be my sunshine on each cloudy day I have faced since 2015 came rolling in with a bang. They have both left now and the day after the second went, I was distraught. Sobbing uncontrollably the entire day, texting my mom wondering why I’m here. It hit me when she left that the two most vital people in my absolute darkest days were gone and I was left here alone with nobody who would understand what I’d been through the last five months. It almost felt like the first time I went back to the US in November 2012; I was surrounded by people who had no clue how much my first three months in Africa had changed me. There’s nobody to blame for that, but there’s also nowhere to go. Thankfully, in 2012, I did have somewhere to go. I was back in Africa five weeks later. This time, I woke up the next morning still wanting to be here. The weakness I felt the day before was just that; a moment of weakness. It didn’t change the fact that I am in love with this life. I’m happy and free, and though my body is literally aching to go home and see every –ologist in existence, my heart overflows with a love and happiness that I never experienced in the US.

Slowly, my life in the US will mix with this one and I can't wait for that. Both of my parents have come, and in two weeks my mom will be here again and my brother will join her (now just need my sister!), and tonight I will hopefully see someone from my sister’s high school class that is coming for a safari. I hope that next summer even more friends from home will be able to come catch a glimpse of my life in Africa, but until then, I’ll be here, and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve planted myself and there’s nowhere better for me to grow as a school director, as a developer and as a person.