We are facing another issue, unfortunately, at Hill Crest
which I will have to update on when it’s over and done. I’m asking for prayers and positive vibes again,
as this is weighing heavy on my heart!
There are a lot of things going on for me at the moment, and
I find meeting new people just leads to loaded questions that I don’t really
know how to answer. I get very flustered because I don’t want to undermine
what I’m doing, but there’s so much behind the story of “I’m director of a
school and building another and starting my company and working on development
plans for another piece of land.” It’s exhausting. Usually it’s followed up
with questions and comments about how inspiring it is and how lucky I am to be
here doing it, etc. A few nights ago I was briefly going over everything with
someone who just arrived and she couldn’t believe how I’ve “uprooted” my life at
home to do these things.
One definition of uprooted is “to force to leave an
accustomed or native location.” To force
to leave an accustomed or native
location. Nothing about my leaving the US was forced, and I wouldn’t say I was
accustomed to that life either. If anything, every time I go back to the US, I’m
being uprooted from here. The things that led me to being “stuck” here (if you
haven’t read Rocked, refer to that) weren’t pleasant and I wouldn’t want to go
through it again, but the result is my life here. Isaac assured me a life here,
a life I love. And while some days I’m confused, lost and feeling alone,
at the end of the day, I don’t want to leave. I couldn’t handle being uprooted
from this.
Shortly before my life changed for the worse before the
better, I met two girls and had no idea how important they would become. Over
the five months we were together, we cried a lot, talked a lot, danced a lot, laughed a lot,
and drank a lot. I’ll be forever grateful for their ability to get me out of my
head and be my sunshine on each cloudy day I have faced since 2015 came rolling
in with a bang. They have both left now and the day after the second went, I
was distraught. Sobbing uncontrollably the entire day, texting my mom wondering
why I’m here. It hit me when she left that the two most vital people in my
absolute darkest days were gone and I was left here alone with nobody who would
understand what I’d been through the last five months. It almost felt like the
first time I went back to the US in November 2012; I was surrounded by people
who had no clue how much my first three months in Africa had changed me. There’s
nobody to blame for that, but there’s also nowhere to go. Thankfully, in 2012,
I did have somewhere to go. I was back in Africa five weeks later. This time, I
woke up the next morning still wanting to be here. The weakness I felt the day
before was just that; a moment of weakness. It didn’t change the fact that I am
in love with this life. I’m happy and free, and though my body is literally
aching to go home and see every –ologist in existence, my heart overflows with
a love and happiness that I never experienced in the US.
Slowly, my life in the US will mix with this one and I can't wait for that. Both of my
parents have come, and in two weeks my mom will be here again and my brother
will join her (now just need my sister!), and tonight I will hopefully see someone
from my sister’s high school class that is coming for a safari. I hope that
next summer even more friends from home will be able to come catch a glimpse of
my life in Africa, but until then, I’ll be here, and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve
planted myself and there’s nowhere better for me to grow as a school director, as
a developer and as a person.
