3.30.15

I thought that when this ended, I was fine. I came out on top, Hill Crest belongs to me. The project belongs to me. The company belongs to me. How could I be sad about any of this? How could I not be okay? It is becoming increasingly clear to me that I have a long road to recovery ahead of me. I even dyed my hair because it was the only thing I felt I had control over. I love it, but that was very out of character for me. I’m trying to regain control now and move forward!

I can’t believe anything anyone says. I’m just waiting to find out who the next “Isaac” will be, because if he could do such awful things, somebody else will too… right? The hardest part of it is that he wasn’t just awful to me. On top of the many other former volunteers, his wife has suffered more than I could ever imagine. Elizabeth is now my co-director but also my friend and mama. Two weeks ago, we were having tea together. Relationships came up in our conversation. We talked about my first boyfriend in Tanzania and how much she hated him. She asked me about the last guy I was seeing, and when I reminded her that his name was Isack, we had a good laugh. It seemed like that opened her up, as if that brought us closer somehow. The entire day from that moment on, we were laughing and talking and loving that we were brought together by this wild and crazy world. We bought a bag of maize that was too heavy for both of us to carry and a ten minute walk back to school took 45 minutes, and we were laughing all the way. She was happier than I’ve seen her, even since my first trip in 2012. She was laughing from her gut, allowing herself to release the joy she was feeling. She has told me several times since we began working together that she knew I would be the one to save her. Since last January, she has been waiting for God to bring her out of the situation she was in, and she saw it in me. She was hoping I would see the truth, and we all know I did. And that’s why she is a happier and stronger woman than I’ve witnessed before. Don’t get me wrong, her marriage was okay until January 2014, but it went downhill quickly from there. Now we get to recover together, from very different situations, but together nonetheless.

This month we get to focus on fixing things at school. Checking the curriculum and adjusting it, seeing where we can improve. We will also continue to have a handful of kids come in daily for lunch. There are two returning volunteers I talk to regularly who contribute financially while they are away. They have been an incredible support system to not just me but Elizabeth also. They have encouraged her to be independent and find her inner strength. Judi, one of the volunteers, encouraged her to go to an empowerment seminar in town, but Elizabeth wants to hold her own. I’m hoping we can arrange for her to go to one before we hold one in the village so we have a better idea about how to go about it. Judi and Catriona have been incredible help and support to us and we are both so thankful. It is their support that I know will pull Elizabeth through, and will help me also. Weekly, we Skype and set up a plan which helps me stay organized and on task because my brain is constantly being pulled in so many different directions! Judi and Catriona also Skype and talk to Elizabeth individually, so as I’ve said, they have played a vital role in our recovery.

Rainy season is here so I have to go find some ratty old converses at the second hand market soon! Getting to school and the project will be real tasks as well. The mud makes things difficult but not impossible. And if anything, just that much more interesting. We are still trying to figure out the best thing to do for Riziki, our student who is on the streets, but it is hard. She has a dad but he doesn’t take care of her. I would like to find someone to take her in, but there is no telling if she will get treated any better if we just place her with another family. We need to figure it out soon though.

I’m off to the project, we have the floors in in three rooms and my workers are ordering more materials as I write this. I will meet them at the jobsite in time for the delivery of more cement and sand! I can’t believe we have floors! Keep sending your prayers and positive vibes this way as we continue to move forward with school and the project J

Just as I began to reread this, I got a text from Elizabeth telling me she just found out that Noella’s dad has been in the hospital since last week suffering from HIV. Amazing how things can change in the blink of an eye. We will figure out what we can do for her dad in addition to feeding the kids. Happy Monday..right?