Sunday, March 24, 2013

Heavy


Sorry for such a delay in the posting...I’ve had so much on my mind lately that I haven’t been able to even think about figuring out a way to explain to all of you at home what’s been going on.  In addition to that, the internet and power and water has been shut down here for a while so even if I wanted to, I wasn’t able to get on the internet.  

In this update would be some information about what happened with a TVE staff member.  All I'm saying about it is that it was a hard week, and what happened didn't make it any easier. 

Because of what happened with Kaka, I was sent into an even bigger emotional frenzy than I was already in because of Steph leaving, and I told mom at least 10 times to change my flight because I was so over the corrupt nature of the country and I didn’t want to see anymore of it and I just want to get home and get to fund raising.  I’m still here which means she didn’t change my flight..thanks ma, so glad you made me stick it out haha.  The rest of the week went by without Kaka, without placement, without talking to anyone that works for TVE, and on Thursday, Stephanie left.  I sobbed pretty much for the entire next week.  Losing Kaka and Steph in a matter of three days just was not okay. 

October 7th...That entire week I was home sick with a really bad cold, and because Elizabeth’s immune system is still weak, Isaac told me to stay home until I was completely better.  It was also Stephanie’s last week, the person I’ve spent the last two months living with and have become so incredibly close with in that time.  We are two peas in a pod despite the six year age difference, and just the thought of her leaving sent me into an immediate emotional breakdown.  Sunday and Monday consisted of Stephanie and me sitting in the room talking about anything that came into our heads and lots of arguing about how to pronounce words (she is from Canada).  
Monday rolls around and I’m finally feeling well enough to go to Hill Crest.  Isaac was back on Monday also.  If I’m sick and not at school, he doesn’t even want to go.  Monday and Tuesday were normal days, then Isaac came in on Wednesday morning with bad news.  Every day on my way to school, I pick up Junior.  He is 3 and a really really smart kid who remembers every word I tell him on our walks, and his mom is so so sweet.  His dad died a while ago so it’s just Junior and his mom.  Maama Junior roasts corn on the street for money but her charcoal cooker was stolen one day so she had no means of income.  Isaac informed me that Tuesday night, Maama Junior came to Isaac’s house and asked him to find someone to take Junior because she was in such a bad situation, she has no way to take care of him.  Already emotionally unstable, the news made me cry right on the spot.  How do such good people get stuck in such situations?  It’s not fair.  Maama Junior should never have to ask Isaac to find someone to take Junior, or somewhere to put him.  He is all she has, and she is all that he has.  Isaac encouraged her to pray more and hold on for a few more days.  Isaac apologized and apologized before he asked if I could give her twenty thousand shillings to buy a new cooker and some maize so she could get her income back up.  He hated asking me for it, and said that if he weren’t in a tough financial situation then he would just do it- but his pockets are empty also.  I gave her the money and she has started working again and her income has gone up a little bit, but roasting maize on the street may only bring in 2,000tsh/day.  
Two traumatic weeks passed and I decided it was my turn to spend individual time with Njayo and Johnson, and let the other volunteers conquer the baby class.  So last week I spent the class days with Njayo and Johnson doing math and english, and realizing that they are so beyond almost anything I can teach them.  Another volunteer, Carly, took on Njayo and left me with Johnson (so pleased).  This past Tuesday was my absolute favorite day in Tanzania thus far.  I gave Johnson a little math test to see what he knew.  His knowledge stopped at long division, so I put some problems on the chalk board and we got to work.  I showed him the steps to solving and he picked up right away.  We also did some “find the missing number” problems, and I think he is really understanding what I’m teaching him.  It came time for break so I asked him if he wanted to play or keep working...HE SAID HE WANTED TO KEEP WORKING.  I almost cried.  I love him so much.  When it came time to get food for lunch, he went with me to get the meat and we held hands the whole way and he talked to the butcher for me and then told me how much he will miss me when I go home.  It’s amazing that he and I have such a strong connection despite being from two different worlds and speaking completely different languages.  He doesn’t feel like just a student I’m excited to see progress, we have a deeper connection than that that neither of us understand.  I think part of it (on my end) is knowing that if I were able to bring him back to America, nothing would stop it from happening.  His grandparents would be thrilled, Isaac would let me do it, and neither of his parents are alive to protest (not that they would- everyone is ready to hand their kid over if it means a better life.)  I kind of dread the idea of leaving him here..even more than the other kids.  He has so much potential and is such a good kid at 13.  He makes sure all the kids’ food is cut up so they can eat it, he feeds Grati at break time, gets anything we need him to, does anything and everything with no complaints, and is always eager to learn.  He is such a good egg and I want everything for him, he deserves so much opportunity.  
Enough about Johnson.  I would go on for days about him if I could.  Oh, and in these three weeks Isaac and I found THE piece of land we are going to buy.  It is a huge rectangle (Isaac has the exact measurement, I’ll post it when I see him) and is big enough for four classrooms, a kitchen, a boarding room, a water tank, a playground and a garden.  IT IS PERFECT.  I saw it and almost cried, like when someone sees a dog and knows that’s their dog, I knew this was the land.  It is so big and the people we are buying it from are so nice and genuine, and there is a lot of potential students in the area as well.  Hill Crest is going to be amazing.  I cannot wait. 
Okay anyways, moving on.  There was no school yesterday so I spent the morning hanging around and then went to Isaac and Elizabeth’s to say Hi around noon.  While I was there, Njayo’s mom called and asked if I could go over to see her..she didn’t know I was at Isaac’s, it was just perfect.  So I went straight to Njayo’s house and she was upset about me leaving in a week and a half.  We played some games and I gave her one of my bracelets and then we did English until I left at 7.  Her mom came in several times and said “I can see you love my child, and she loves you too.  I let you take her with you.”  And to think Njayo’s family is so so so well off.  They have two cars, three dogs and two cats, a huge house, and can spare the 600tsh for a soda every day.  They have a TV and DVD player also.  So well off.  But her mom would Still let me adopt Njayo.  Which I would be fine with, give me Johnson and Njayo and I will be the happiest 21 year old you will ever come across.  Shoot.  But it’s still amazing that any parent is so willing to give me their child, or any mzungu for that matter.  I can’t even think about leaving these kids behind in this life while I go home to endless amounts of food and water and toys that aren’t made out of dead thorns and leaves.  (Imagine if the only toy your child had was an empty soda can or a dead leaf stuck on the end of a dead thorn.  That’s what my kids play with.)  
I’ve got a week and a half left here and “I’m not ready” is the understatement of the year.  When I came here, I thought I was incapable of being emotionally involved in anything or anyone, but this experience has opened me up so much more than I could have imagined.  I look forward to the public transportation (8 person vans stuffed with 14 people) and sitting outside in the sun for hours on end hand washing clothes.  I like going outside to the little wood hut and buying vegetables, and I like spending the day doing nothing but being with someone because that’s all there is to do- just be together.  I love greeting the grandma’s as they walk past.  Their wrinkles have stories and accomplishments, they’ve survived the harsh and unforgiving life that most people do not.  The maasai walking past in their blankets and recycled tire shoes, the kids running after me every day because they want to touch a mzungu hand.  The dust clouds that constantly taint the air, and the trash that lies everywhere.  Life here is hard to embrace, but if you’re open and willing, it’s so easy to love.  And the kids, all they need is love.  

Here’s to my last week and a half in Sakina.


Njayo

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